Another billboard caught my eye.  The Quakers are at it again and this time they’ve got jet packs.  Aliens, robots, or puritans, whatever those Quakers really are, they’re coming out with products to make us go.  Where do they want us to go?

Do they want us to commute to work?  Rocket fuel costs a fortune (though faster than a Mercedes I hear).  That sounds too much like simple Capitalism for these robots/alians dressed as Quakers.  I think it’s something more devious.  The human looks a little too relaxed for someone with a few hundred pounds of thrust attached to his back.  Look at his haircut–not a hair out of place.  And how high does he want to fly?  I don’t care how much hairspray he used, he’s going to run out of oxygen without a jet pack helmet.

Now that’s a plot worthy of a robot/alien Quaker–killing off the human race with product defects.

Good friend and great writer Camille Alexa is coming to Seattle.  There are three Hadley Rille Books anthologies on archeology: Ruins Terra, Ruins Extraterrestrial, Ruins Metropolis; I’m published in the first (see posts tagged Moss Memoirs) and she’s published in the later two.  We are joining forces to do some readings on May 1st at 6:30 PM at the Lake Forest Park’s Third Place Books, and May 2nd at 12:00 at Redmond’s Flying Saucer Pizza.

Today, I’m a friend of all animals, even moss.  I wasn’t always that way:

LancerKind on YouTube

That was from when I fought the moss, but then it reached out–I mean really, it reached out–it taught me a lesson.

Learn how this could happen at a reading this Saturday at 7PM, March 28th, at 8862 161st Ave NE, Redmond. The reading is part of Redmond Association of SPokenword (RASP).

Show up and through the magic of the English language, I’ll work you in as the main character of “Moss Memoirs,” a story published in the Ruins Terra anthology. Another option is to pick up the book so you can enjoy the story without my annoying, buzzy voice, and also read other great authors selected by the editor, Eric T. Reynolds, in his archeological themed anthology about Ruins on Earth, authors such as Ann Walters and her “Rising Tide”, Ivan Sun and his “After the Stonehenge Bombing”, and Jaqueline Seewald and her “The Boy Who Found Atlantis.”

And those are just the start…

Two BSG "toasters" in a staring contest

Lancer's splendidly, hard-working toaster

This affront was created by some SciFi Channel mad scientist

My plea to the Sci Fi channel

Does anyone know why Cylons must be referred to as toasters? Wouldn’t it be more humiliating to a sentient robot to be referred to as a curling iron? Or an electric toothbrush? I’m just saying… I have a toaster and I think it’s a pretty neat device!

Just look at this splendid T-Fal feller right over there.  Sure its shiny steel parts are reminiscent of the materials used to construct a cylon. but look at all the levers, buttons, and it even has a dial. I’ve never seen a Cylon with that kind of man-to-machine interface. And to top it off, it makes REALLY GREAT TOAST!

It offends my sense of fairness to see the crew of Galactica calling people toasters like that’s supposed to be a bad thing! And it’s getting worse. I found this Galactica toaster which was engineered into a mockery of proper toaster conduct.

This is torture and of the most base kind!

So join me in telling the Sci Fi channel (feedback@scifi.com) that we will not stand for this abuse! That this continual demonization of toasters must stop now!

Stand up against those frakkers that are a part of the science fiction media spin machine, and tell them to “stop frakken with the toasters.”

I think that if we band together and act swiftly, we can end the rain of abuse caused by this Battlestar Galactica in the next two weeks!

I saw this billboard near the Seattle Post Intelligencer building (one of the local newspapers).  I don’t know what Quaker (the company) is thinking but here are some of my thoughts:

1. The Quakers are the robots that Schwarzenegger warned us about in Terminator, and they are ready to take control.
2. The aliens that came to Earth to build the pyramids didn’t leave but disguised themselves as Quakers.  They also saw Terminator and know that the robots are about to make their move.  This is a message that the aliens are rooting for us from the sidelines!

Option one or two, you make the choice!  The side with the most comments wins!

YOU be the judge!